Tuesday, December 22, 2015

All I Need...

I have had more "ah-ha moments"
In the past 3.5 months than perhaps in my entire life. No exaggeration. Every day it's, "So this is why my mom friends do / are _____," or "That's why my mom did ______," or "That's why they make _____." 

Those are about other people, but I've had countless about myself. They've been tough waters to navigate, not gonna lie. Learning about yourself and fielding off Satan's lies about yourself can border one another. 

This morning, God finally blessed me with perhaps the biggest "ah-ha moment" yet. 

"You're too focused on you." 

And YOU doesn't just mean Lindsay, it means Lindsay's list of things to do (doesn't matter if they all include doing things for other people or just the baby even), Lindsay's goals (no matter how noble), and Lindsay's desires (even if they're for other people).

I strive to be the Proverbs 31 woman every day. Every day. But one thing I can guarantee is that she did not become the woman she is without a daily heart to heart with her Maker. 

And that means it went both ways. Not just, "Oh Lord help me be a better wife, a better mom, a better business owner, a better friend. Thank you for the blessings in our life. Please continue to bestow them upon us." No, there was a, "Speak to me, Lord." And then she stopped talking and just listened.

In the hustle and bustle of new motherhood, time to just sit and listen is incredibly hard to come by for this go-go girl wearing many hats. I'm grateful God  finally just interjected- "Hello! Stop. It's time to stop. I've got a few things to say to you, child."

And stop and listen I did. Right there on the bedroom floor while my baby looked right back up at me. 

I find it absolutely overwhelming- this relationship I have with my Maker. Because if this was any other relationship, I would have given up on ME a long time ago. 

Then I look down at my baby, sleeping in my arms, and I get it a little bit more. How many times would she have to mess up and break my heart before I would stop pining for an intimate relationship with her? 

I can only imagine the magnitude of Mary's feelings each time as she peered down into the face of her little baby. 

What a place... The love a mother has for her child. The love our Maker has for His Son. The love our Maker has for us.

Can you imagine looking into that space? Not just in the stable, but en route to and while they lived in Egypt after He was born. All of these precious moments you have with your baby being enveloped by His own love for you as your Savior. 

I look down at my daughter and wonder, "How can this baby I'm holding ever love me more than I love her?"

And then I get God's love for me a little bit more.

And I'm reminded that a cat nap, a cup of coffee, a snack, crossing another item off my list of things to do, achieving a goal, alone time with my husband, fellowship with girlfriends, seeing my family.... None of these things, even if they're all lumped perfectly together will be enough. The only thing that will truly sustain me, truly meet all of my needs, is Jesus. In all I do, He must be my primary focus. 

"It's so elementary..." I wrote in my prayer journal this morning. You'd think after 20+ years of following Christ I wouldn't be having one of these basic "ah-ha moments" this morning. 

My baby stirs and stretches and drifts back to sleep, and I realize getting back to basics is exactly where God wanted me to be this morning. 

As a new parent, did you find yourself with "ah-ha moments" around every corner? Please share in the comment section below. 💗