Thursday, August 13, 2015

A Pregnant Pause

The nursery is ready all donned in pink and white and brown with splashes of baby blue and soft yellow here and there. Every rocking device and diaper and blanket has found it's place. The suitcase is packed and nestled near the door. The car seat installed and soft, pink silky wraps cover the straps that will go across our little girl's shoulders.

I remember Christmas morning feeling so surreal. Really I couldn't wrap my brain around it - the fact that a little life was living inside of me. These days it's a lot easier to comprehend when she's showing off her ninja skills. David laughed the other day as she rolled around and commented, "The guy who wrote Alien must have done it while his wife was pregnant." Since then I've described her giant rolling movements as "Alien Baby." Then there are other days when I know she's nestled in nice and cramped and cozy, and I think about how desperately I want for her to feel as warm and secure and safe when she's out here as she is in there. Parental instincts seem to be kicking in much stronger for me and David now. It makes me wonder how much we'll change once she's born.

The dogs are definitely primed and ready. Sperry's new "spot" is right in front of the front door while I work in my studio adjacent to it. He loves being the protector. Bowen's new "spot" is right behind my chair. Bowen comes over to smell my stomach a couple times a day now. David's grandmother has a theory that dogs can hear babies. I guess the retriever in Bowen makes his ears better than Sperry's. It's amazing how you can tell that they know what's going on. Whether they fully realize what's going to happen when she comes home is a different story, but for now they know that mama is extra special and not alone.

I have my moments, like most of yesterday, when I am so ready for her to come and so ready to not be "great" with child anymore. I'm ready to hold her and look into her face and watch her daddy do the same. And then there are moments like right now when I just want to press "pause" and soak in as much as I possibly can of this pregnant season.

It's been such a whirlwind. I feel like the past two weeks have been a fuzzy blur that we're just now resurfacing out of. Getting ready for the bar took a lot out of both of us. Taking the bar took a lot out of us- even though only one of us had to actually take it! The heat has taken a lot out of both of us. We just now feel like we're getting back to a quasi normal state sprinkled with Braxton-Hicks contractions and swollen feet. And it's a very special place.

We're about to leave for our 36.5 week appointment, and there's a part of me that knows this quiet place we've found could change as soon as my OB walks into our exam room. So, I'm pausing and soaking it in. The roller coaster of it all that started Christmas morning the instant I stood in the bathroom I'd used every morning growing up and stared at that little stick that said "Pregnant."

"There is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under the heavens." Ecclesiastes 3:1

Right now, in these next five minutes, it's my time to pause, to be still, to be grateful, and to soak in the wonder of this season we're about to finish. What a blessing to have been graced with it and all that it's been.