I can see and FEEL the sun! It's been weeks y'all, WEEKS since I've seen the sun. The dogs and I are sitting on the deck right now soaking up every ounce of Vitamin D we possibly can before darkness falls. And I'm not even kidding! I had a few indoor things I wanted to get done today, but they can wait until the sun disappears behind the neighbor's house.
Combine finishing up the first trimester of our pregnancy with the coming of Spring and therefore all of the exciting things that this Spring holds, and you've got a happy Lindsay. I realized this afternoon as I was wiping off our outdoor furniture that we've lived in this new residence for an entire season now - that's 1/4 of a year! This winter was long, but now that I feel the sun, it's turned into a very fuzzy blur.
I'm being generous to the sun - really it's the pregnancy brain that's making everything fuzzy. Wow, what a real thing pregnancy brain is. Never in my life have I been so forgetful. To the many of you that I have yet to call/ text/ email back, it is not personal, and I apologize. It is this strange brain that I'm adjusting to.
I'll trade it though for the nausea and constant fatigue that we're now rid of. While my energy levels aren't completely back to normal, I at least get more done in a day than the bare minimum like before and have started cooking meals again. And so my respect for the pioneer woman continues to rise - thank you Lord for not bringing me into the world back then.
This past week, the lack of sun really began to take its toll on a lot of us. For me personally, this last week was a rough one aside from the fact that there was no sun to be seen or felt. The rain wouldn't cease and people weren't exercising much understanding and work felt like a broken fire hydrant and the dogs were disobedient and friends were struggling with big deal stuff and David was under a lot more stress than usual... I was headed for the check out lane in Kroger mid week and began to grumble to myself about how they never have any regular lanes open by the express lanes. "Why do they make us walk all the way down..." And thankfully the Holy Spirit smacked me upside the head, "You live in America, Lindsay. Be grateful." Yes, sometimes the Holy Spirit is that blunt with me.
For weeks now it's been all gratitude. Grateful for a healthy pregnancy, a supportive husband, a work from home job, a career I'm building in MK at my own pace, family who is crazy excited about this baby growing inside of me, our church... So many things. But, in a week I'd lost sight of them.
Gratitude returned as I made my way over to the far away check out lane. "Thank you Jesus for sending us that Heavenly Helper to speak to our flesh in moments like that." I spent a good deal of time praying that night for fruits of the Spirit to fill our life again. The next day it still rained some, and not everyone exercised understanding, and David was still slightly stressed, and the dogs weren't perfect... but it all wasn't as heavy. Instead of grumbling about another rough day, I thanked the Lord for the rain and that it wasn't flooding and trusted that all of this moisture would at least bring us pretty Spring flowers.
Isn't that our Christian walk? We can't see the big picture, but we trust that there is one.
I can't see everything about this baby growing inside of me. I don't know if everything is developing right. If it has all 10 fingers and toes, ears to hear with, a fully developed mouth or heart or brain or spinal column. I have friends who've asked me if I worry about that. And, really I don't. I feared miscarrying in the beginning of our pregnancy, but not that this baby wouldn't develop correctly or be healthy. I know I can eat right and take my vitamins and do a couple other things to help give this baby the best chance at healthy growth and development, but really it's in the Lord's hands, isn't it? (If you believe the Bible is the word of God, then the answer is, "Yes, it is." Psalm 139:13)
These days there's a lot of tests you can have done to see how your baby might be developing before that big 20 week ultrasound. David and I were excited to learn that these tests will also tell you whether or not you're having a boy or a girl. But, we really didn't care about all the other stuff. David put it simply, "It really doesn't make a difference."
Today I watched a woman in church worship in sign language and my heart's deepest desire for this child whimpered up to our Maker, "Above all else, I pray that this child will love and fear you and that they will be a part of building Your Kingdom."
So today as I soak up every bit of sunshine that my translucent skin can absorb, I meditate in a spirit of gratitude... for the sun, for the rain, and for the hope and peace we have in Christ Jesus.
Isaiah 58:8 "Then your light shall break forth like the morning, your healing shall spring forth speedily, and your righteousness shall go before you; the glory of the Lord shall be your rear guard."