Thursday, July 2, 2015

Look away beyond the blue...


This picture was taken for all of my faithful Warford&Wife readers whom I have been neglecting the past month. We really enjoyed our 2nd trimester. When my OB told me at my 15 week appointment that I was now in the 'honeymoon trimester' I didn't really understand. But, now that I'm well into the 3rd I do! That 2nd trimester was fun: no sickness, more energy, feeling baby girl moving more and more every day, looking cute in maternity clothes. The 3rd trimester feels a whole lot more like the 1st, only without the nausea (PTL!).

Being in the 3rd is harder mostly because I'm having trouble keeping my blood sugar up, so I have to really think about everything I eat and eat more frequently and not get overheated or move around too fast... It's just another bundle of adjustments. Being heavier is a huge change too! I have some joint pain in my right foot which makes me limp a little bit sometimes (joint pain is a totally normal prego symptom related to the extra weight I'm carrying). It's really weird to have something wrong with my right leg because my left was the 'bum leg' for so long.

But I'll tell you what, every time I feel her move I don't care about any of these little symptoms. (And I do mean that when I say 'little' - compared to other women I know, the hard parts of this pregnancy don't even compare!) I'm so grateful to have a job that let's me work from home where I can manage all of my symptoms in the best way possible which keeps me and her as healthy as we can be while she continues to grow for another several weeks.

I've been working through a check list of things to get done before she arrives. The list now is very short which makes me laugh because I know that there are a million things that probably should be on the list that aren't. After David takes the bar (in 4 weeks!) I know we'll both be able to sit down and take care of any last minute important things. But, for now, it's been nice to just kind of take it a thing at a time a week at a time, especially while I balance work and my Mary Kay business and this whole blood sugar thing.

I've noticed that since I started really preparing for Avery's arrival, I've been tending to think more about parenting than figuring out the basic day to day stuff.

This past week has been my most emotional of the entire pregnancy. An anniversary last week prompted me to process some feelings about this world that I needed to before bringing Avery into it. Friends made decisions that weighed heavy on my heart. Unpleasant family dynamics that are the way they are strictly because of one person's sin force boundaries that I wish didn't have to be raised. Sometimes I wonder how I'll answer questions Avery might ask me about the world and the way it is. And, really, after I think about it, I realize the answer to every hard question is the same.... We live in a fallen world. No one here is perfect - not even the church. That's why we need Jesus, and that's why we so anxiously await His return.

I remember a year after that trip I took to Kenya we had a team anniversary gathering. I looked at our team leader, Mr. Mike, and told him that I would get on that airplane with him again and go through the whole trip and that whole terrible first year after again if, knowing everything I knew right then, I was given the choice to not go on the trip. I would do it because I saw how much the Lord had used it for His glory in just one short year. Now 10 years later, I look back over the past 10 years, and I realize just how much I've learned from that experience. Empathy for others with PTSD or who maybe don't have PTSD but still went through a violent and/or traumatic experience, an unnerving sympathy for those who are trafficked, the understanding that happy on the outside does not mean joy and peace on the inside just like the understanding that having joy and peace on the inside doesn't mean you can't also experience paralyzing fear.

Those are big takeaways that the Lord has been able to use through me to minister to others, but I have to tell you, the biggest take away I have is very simple - and that's that no one is perfect. Nothing is perfect. No mission trip, church leader, church body, person, family unit, company, or even at times a decision is perfect. People will disappoint you, because they're people. My husband whom I love and respect with all of my being disappoints me some days. And y'all, I disappoint him!!! And when I disappoint you, or someone else disappoints me, the first thing we should remember is why, and that's because of sin. Is that an excuse to continue on disappointing and sinning, because we live in a fallen world and are born with a sinful nature? Absolutely not. We have been given the Word of God for correction, and there are people in my life who should speak with the authority the Holy Spirit gives them to call out my sin when I choose to grieve the Holy Spirit by continuing to walk in it.

When I think about all of this, figuring out how to strip cloth diapers or getting that changing table put together or making sure the nursery is arranged just-so, those to-do list items don't even compare to the burden on my heart that Avery would learn from me and David how desperately she needs Jesus.

My mom sang this song to us growing up that has been playing over and over in my head this past week. My prayer for our daughter is that she would come to understand this at a very early age, that she would understand that it's ok that this world isn't perfect, because there's a place that He has prepared for her that is. While we live down here on this imperfect world, it's only for a very short time during which we will make the most of it and will seek to introduce others to the love, perfection, and salvation that we receive through Jesus Christ.

This world is not my home 
I'm just a-passing through. 
My troubles are laid out 
somewhere beyond the blue. 
The angels beckon me from Heaven's open door 
and I can't feel at home 
in this world anymore. 
Oh Lord, you know, I have no friend like you. 
If Heaven's not my home, 
then Lord what would I do? 
The angels beckon me from Heaven's open door 
and I can't feel at home in this world anymore.

I've got a home in glory land that outshines the sun.
I've got a home in glory land that outshines the sun.
I've got a home in glory land that outshines the sun,
Look away beyond the blue, blue, blue, blue.

I took Jesus as my Savior
You take Him too.
I took Jesus as my Savior 
You take Him too.
I took Jesus as my Savior
You take Him too.
Look away beyond the blue...