Friday, January 10, 2014

Patience

"Is it itching yet?"

"Just my right shoulder."

"That's the control. It's ok, Lindz. That's supposed to itch."

I felt so out of place. It's not typical for David to know more in a medical situation than me, and laying on that examination table after being pricked all over my back 50+ times with potential allergies I was beginning to get anxious. 

Not only could I not see what my back looked like, I couldn't move a muscle. And of course, when you're not allowed to move everything needs adjustment. I had hair sticking to my lipgloss, my nose itched, and the sky blue, halter top smock I was wearing was starting to slip down my back. 

Finally, fifteen minutes passed, and it was time to get some results. As I listened to the doctor, I only became more and more confused. 

How can this be with all of these symptoms? What's causing me to feel this way if dust mites are my only allergy? 

It wasn't the answer I was hoping for... In fact, it wasn't an answer at all. 

Honestly, secretly, I was hoping to be like David whose entire back had swelled up within seconds of beginning his allergy test. I was hoping all my symptoms could be explained by the oak trees surrounding our house, that shots would help my body desensitize, and that the symptoms would go away forever. 

It wouldn't be a quick fix. It'd be a process. We've already pursued so many other possibilities and treatments. At least this way we'd have an answer and a light at the end of the tunnel. 

But, right now, we don't. We have a next step, another doctor to consult with, and some new medicine to try. 

Even though the results weren't what I hoped for, I'm still reassured. I know that sometimes we have to walk through trials like these: situations where we don't see an end, where we don't have answers, and that are physically uncomfortable. 

James 1:2 brings me so much comfort. It says "Count it all joy when you fall into various trials, knowing that the testing of your faith produces patience." When we are followers of Christ, no matter what kind of trial we're facing, I believe that God will make something positive will from it. 

The Lord hasn't failed me yet. There have been enough waiting rooms, accidents, non-acceptance letters, and tiny bank account statements to produce a discernible amount of patience inside this quiet heart. Each and every trial, even the ones that didn't go anywhere near the direction I'd prayed for them to go, has graciously been used by the Lord for good. 

So, we continue to pray, expect, and surrender. And we gratefully receive all the patience we can.  

"That is why we never give up. Though our bodies are dying, our spirits are being renewed every day. For our present troubles are small and won't last very long. Yet the produce for us a glory that vastly outweighs them and will last forever! So we don't look at the troubles we can see now; rather, we fix our gaze on things that cannot be seen. For the things we see now will soon be gone, but the things we cannot see will last forever." 2 Corinthians 4:16-18